Twenty-Three

Today is my 23rd!! This is the first birthday of my life when I’m not in school. That feels rather odd. I’ve always thought September birthdays are the best because it’s just on the cusp of fall and I had the first birthday of the school year out of my friends. The parties and birthday celebrations were always the best way to kick off the beginning of the school year. Even in college it felt that way. 

After four years at OSU, I’m back home with my high school buds for my birthday again, which feels both familiar and strange. But we’ve had a really awesome weekend doing things I love: seeing my favorite band, Lord Huron; going to cocktail bars and breweries; adventuring at the Ohio Renaissance Festival; relaxing at a spa; going out to dinner with my family. I am really loved, and I’ve learned that so much this last month and a half as I’ve struggled with a drastic change of plans. 

After almost a year of planning to move to Indonesia for the Peace Corps, some unexpected medical issues came up last month that are preventing me from going. I had a really rough few weeks where I had to let myself wallow in disappointment, but I am ready to move on or potentially apply again in the future. So, for the foreseeable future, I’ll be stateside and semi-jobless. Right now I’m at home and doing some freelance writing work while I figure out the “future.” Lots of people have asked me what my plans are now, what am I possibly going to do, etc., and the answer is that I don’t know yet. That’s all I’ve got. 

One of the reasons I wanted to go to Indonesia–or join the Peace Corps in general–in the first place was to close the gap between what I say I care about and what I actually do to show it. I want to live abroad. I want to advocate for girls’ education worldwide. I believe English education will open social and economic opportunities for young people. I want soft diplomacy to be a vital friendship- and peace-building tool for generations. So what? What am I doing about it? The Peace Corps was my leap to stop dreaming and start doing, to build a life that wouldn’t keep me safe from that very thing. Movement is never fatal, but stillness is.*

The Peace Corps could still very well happen in the future, who knows. But I also need to realize that I don’t have to move to the other side of the world to “find myself” or serve others. I can teach and learn here; I just have to try a little harder to make sure I don’t get swallowed by the comfort of my bubble, where I can plan and dream but never do.

I’m learning to see this as an opportunity rather than an adversity. How amazing is it to be a “beginner,” ya know? To have endless possibilities and directions. Where do I want to live? What do I really want to do? 23 is about to be filled with as much, if not more, uncertainty and lack of direction, but that’s exciting. Here’s to 23.

*Liz Bohannon, Beginner’s Pluck